Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
