i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
