i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize