The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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