If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
