I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
