Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
