Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
