i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
