Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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