I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
