i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
