But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
