Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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