ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
