I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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