you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
