when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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