He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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