I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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