I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
love makes seman taste better
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
