Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
