i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
