I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
