absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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