how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I did not marry a roomba.
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