Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
