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best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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