I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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