so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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