Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize