If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
