I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize