omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
