dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
