Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
