There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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