and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
