it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Blood and glitter go together right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
