cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
