we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
