Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
