i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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