Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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