I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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