dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
