Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
even my farts smell like vagina
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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