the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
