I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
