You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
organizing the empties. That sober.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
