So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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