"it" just moved
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
