Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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