STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
