i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
