...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
