Apparently you make a good broom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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