He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
