Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize