holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
