so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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