he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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