Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
