If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do vagina's smell?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
