rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize