i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
