I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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