The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
