That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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