I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
