a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
