Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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