I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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