So drunk its hurt
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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