listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
