He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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