I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
