he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
